Something or other

First of all, this won't be one of my regular posts. In fact, I don't even know where to file it. It is surely not technical. It doesn't fit in with the kind of personal updates I post to LJ. And it's not related to books ore music or anything like that I've posted to this place before. I guess it's a post about me. And I'm not even sure it's something I'm interested in people reading or not.

I'm sitting in a car, outside Florence, OR. We are on our third day of traveling from San Francisco to Portland. It's going well. I've seen some beautiful sights, but I'm getting to be tired. Right now I'm sitting with headphones, hiding within myself. Prolonged exposure to people tend to create that reaction in me; I need to get away for a little while. I'm listening to lovely music, things that touch me, and looking at images I like, words I enjoy. And what I come back to is this: I still don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm very happy about moving to London and then SF. The job at TW seems like a dream job for me. I couldn't possibly imagine anything better. And Stella will come with me when I move out from Sweden which is something I couldn't have expected but am very happy about. She is a part of me.

But still, is the work I do all that I am nowadays? In earlier times I could always find time to write and sing, let the music handle the yearning and removing some of those feelings. But right now I don't have the time. Of course, that's a matter of prioritization and the things I'm doing right now is to important for my future. But I don't want the music to die. I long for being able to sit down with my guitar, let new music flow, and record something that feels like it's a part of me captured in external media.

But I guess that's what all I'm doing is about. In a very real sense, I'm diluting my essence, putting parts of myself into programming environments that I believe will be extremely important for the next era of computing. I know that it isn't the end piece, but it's something to use until we finally see the next step on the ladder.

Can time really run out for me? I hope not - I would see what's beyond today, tomorrow, this year and next decennium.

Overfire - Lucky - Timglas - Until - Vortex